You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
