I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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