You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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