On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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