No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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