I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
