im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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