ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
