it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she smelled like a LAN party
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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