In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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