I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
