check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
