I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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