My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
