I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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