your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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