My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize