i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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