we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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