I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
