We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Of course I have a pirate flag
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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