we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
