I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
