I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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