Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
