oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
