I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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