Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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