I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
