I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
