Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
