hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
thus making me awesome and them whores
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
