I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
