I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
