well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
