I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Randomize
