It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
