Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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