then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
