listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
