Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
