So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize