remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
