i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
