I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
