it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
