That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
