PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize