So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize