Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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