She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
