Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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