I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
