Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
