So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
