Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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