Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
