I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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