Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
