Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
