I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
