Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
