i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
