I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Randomize
