why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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