I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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