i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
