Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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