my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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