i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
