Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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