Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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