I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
someone owes me an orgasm
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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