is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
