**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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