im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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