You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
