i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize