idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Small penises have feelings too.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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