I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
